White House Unable to Generate New Genocide Synonyms

WASHINGTON DC — On April 24, US President delivered his annual Armenian Genocide address once again failing to come up with a new synonym for the Genocide. For three years now, Obama has been redundantly resorting to “Medz Yeghern”,  falling short of the decades-long White House tradition to improvise and come up with new  exciting diplomatic references to the Armenian tragedy.

Armenian Diaspora in US has already voiced deep disappointment over the lack of enthusiasm to find a new meaningful synonym and called on US authorities to exercise consistency.

Head of Armenian National Committee of America Aram Hamparian  explains the fury: “It is very frustrating to see President Obama not only ducking to pronounce Genocide in his annual address, but also not taking the trouble to at least find a fresh synonym, as was the case with all previous administrations.”

Sources have been reporting about vocabulary crisis in the White House genocide synonyms pool since late 2009. Anonymous official leaked to media that “all the possible replacements for ‘genocide’ had been exhausted under Bush and Clinton administrations, leaving Obama with the last one — ‘Medz Yeghern”.

The issue has been brought to Massachusetts Institute of Technology linguistic legend Noam Chomsky. Latter recognizes the complexity of the situation with synonyms in given respect, yet sees many alternative options.  “Despite the complexity of the lexical invariants, there are still a few phrases the White House has not made sufficient use of.  Obama has not yet leveraged  expressions like  “1,5-million-big Armenian cleansing mystery of 1915” or  “Great Armenian Ethnic Cluster-Bang”.

In parallel, Turkish Prime Minister delivered his annual April 24 denial speech, where he traditionally elaborated on the issue: “Today, as our nation comes together once again to remember and celebrate the surprisingly uneventful year of 1915 — coincidentally, a year of  demographic boom of ethnic minorities in the Ottoman Empire — it is very upsetting to see misrepresentation of history overseas.”

“For centuries, the Ottomans were known to peacefully conquer Eastern Europe which came to be known as ‘velvet conquest’ or the ‘smiley expansion’. Today Germany still gladly hosts over 3 million of our compatriots who are willing to return to Turkey, but are afraid to frustrate hospitable Germans by their departure,” says Erdogan.

As the lexical stand-off continues, Armenian political analysts believe there may be an interim compromise between the White House and Armenian Diaspora. Senior world analyst Richard Giragossian believes Armenian Diaspora will be relatively satisfied, in case US president, if doesn’t pronounce ‘Genocide’, at least verbally insults Turks.

“Today, Obama has the choice to either  deliver the promised phonetic exercise of articulating ‘Genocide by the Ottoman Empire’ or at least using the diplomatic compromise of  “‘Massacres performed by the Turkish assholes’ which will largely find  favor with more moderate nationalists. Either way, Obama gets to keep most of the Armenian votes on his side for the re-election,” claims Giragossian.

In the meanwhile, sources report that White House chief linguists continue to solicit possible sexy options for synonyms before the 2012, April 24 address.