Armenian Ministry of Education to Remove Phrase “Turkish assholes” from School Manuals

By Sergey

Education and Science Minister Armen Ashotyan held a press conference early Monday to announce reforms reflecting possible  border opening with Turkey. The Ministry plan is to reduce degree of anti-Turkish sentiments in manuals and replace hardcore hatred with more moderate disgust.

“Now that border issue appears to be nearing fruition, our two nations seem to be committing to friendly co-existence, we are taking steps to build more tolerant generation and from now on, the references to “Turkish assholes” will be replaced by more moderate one “Turkish  jerks” or even “Turkish monkey-f##kers,” said Ashotyan.

“I mean, look, this totally makes sense. We were able to cut back on phrases like “Georgian donkey-f##kers” as we established diplomatic links in 1991, so we can do same for Turkey,” said the minister.

As anti-reform moods were about to shape among conservatives, U.S. made a move to prevent such reaction . Secretary of State Hilary Clinton sent a message to Armenian president: “We are  happy to receive the news that Armenian side will suspend offensive language to neighbors and will take advantage of milder metaphors like simple “Turkish jerks” or “monkey-f##kers”. We believe this will help bridge a better cultural dialogue.”

Armenian Diaspora, however, continues to persist in maintaining the historical term “Turkish assholes”. Head of Armenian Diaspora in U.S. told in an interview to reporters: “Now that we are this close to forcing US president to pronounce the phrase “Turkish assholes” on April 24^th, we can’t give up and just resort to shallow “monkey-f##kers”.

Turks, in Turn have made attempts at improving image of Armenians in the eyes of school kids. Turkish Education and Propaganda Minister said: “Our school manuals will no longer say that 90% of Armenians are hunchback midget gays. We realize the border may open and friendly ties may be put in place, so we bring the number to 60% in manuals. We hope it will be further possible to bring the notch down even more in the future.”

Georgian president suggested to bring down the language to even more neutral and synchronized system – calling each other simply “dorks”. Saakashvili explained: “This is both easy and less offensive. Instead why not you guys follow our language for Russians.” Saakashvili did not share specifics.

“There can be no stable South Caucasus unless we agree on unified swear that will reflect a joint position on Russians! We could start with something like “skunk-huggers” to hopefully further upgraded something like “crap-f##kers”, concluded the Georgian president.

Final decision on modifying neighbor-specific vocabulary is still pending parliament ratification of protocols, while nationalist groups vow to maintain phrase “Turkish assholes”, regardless of parliament decision.